“Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children.”

          Sitting Bull

               As parents we have a responsibility to put the needs of our children first.  This means shielding children from the anxiety and stress of adult confrontation such as divorce and paternity actions.  It also means ensuring that the children have the love and support from their parents and family.  This is why parents facing the prospects of divorce or paternity actions should consider a collaborative process.

               In the collaborative legal process the parties are assisted by a team of professionals all committed to assisting them to reach a resolution to their family issues without litigation.  The focal point of the team of professionals is the Mental Health Professional (MHP) who is available to work with the parents to develop a child focused parenting plan that includes a timesharing schedule that will work for the family.    The MHP also works with the parents to address struggles the children may be experiencing in transitioning to two households.  As important, the MHP can assist the parents in learning the new skills necessary to co-parent the children when living apart.

               The collaborative process also allows the parties to develop a family financial support structure that is realistic.  Using the guidance of the Neutral Financial Professional, the parties consider all aspects of the family’s financial priorities including the payment of private school tuition, tutors, extra-curricular activities, college financing and other needs of the children.   These issues are often not addressed in the traditional litigated divorce due to the legal constraints of the laws in various states that do not provide for consideration of such expenses.  It is axiomatic that two households cannot live at the same level of spending that it costs to support only one household.  However the financial neutral can help the parties to develop budgets that will best work within their income levels.

               Finally, the team of professionals approach prevents the escalation of the conflict that is often present in the traditional divorce context.  The parties, their attorneys and the neutral professionals work together to identify the priorities of the family and brainstorm ways to meet their needs.  The team is never focused on a win-lose proposition but rather looking for ways to overcome the problems faced by the family going through transition.  The MHP, as the facilitator of the process, keeps the team focused on the issues and ensures that the process moves forward.  This allows the family to develop a settlement in a shorter time and at less cost than the traditional divorce process.

               Many studies have shown that it is not the fact of a divorce that causes anxiety and disruption in a child’s life but rather the conflict that exists between the parents.  The collaborative process reduces this conflict and focuses the parents on meeting the needs of the child.